stop "teaching " your child to draw !!!

Ok this is something that annoys the crap out of me .

Children are brilliant , creative and have imaginations that far outweigh the scraps of imagination that adults have so it drives me batty ( especially when I was teaching ) to see a child draw ..lets say ...a girl , stick figure , round head , triangle dress and instantly you KNOW their parents have been trying to "teach" them how to draw .

Sorry but that isnt teaching ANYTHING in fact what it is doing is crushing their creativity , their imagination and their power of observation into fine detail .

Children from the moment they pick up a pen arent always drawing anything , it could just be they enjoy the feeling of making big circles so please dont try and coax them into saying it is a truck or a snake instead of saying " that looks like a truck " say " what are doing here it looks very interesting " then they wont feel pressured to say it is anything , then they can freely say " IM MAKING BIG CIRCLES !!" .

If they do want you to be involved in their art , if they do say " I want to draw a dog" then encourage them to be an observer , get a picture of a dog , encourage them to talk about what they see .
" is the dog big or little , what shape is its head , does it have a long or short nose , are its ears floppy or do they stick up what kind of fur does the dog have , encourage them to really see where all the parts go , is the dog sitting up or down ? can you see all of its legs ? "

Not only will you be amazed at how observant they are you will not believe the finely detailed art pieces they come out with when encouraged to really see the deatil .

So please try not to encourage stick figure people , smiley " faces " with circle head , circle eyes and and a one line smile .

If your child does a drawing on their own and makes a picture of a person that to you barely resembles a bowl of noodles DO not say it looks like noodles or say it doesnt look like a person respect their work and appreaciate their abstract art because if I see one more carbon copy , creativly killed child Im gonna cry .

Here is a great poem by one of the most amazing childhood educators talking about the hundred languages of children and how they have far more ability to express themselves through their creativity and how adults are set on crushing this wonderful ability ......don't kill it nuture it .

The Hundred Languages Of Children
The child
is made of one hundred.
The child has
a hundred languages
a hundred hands
a hundred thoughts
a hundred ways of thinking
of playing, of speaking.
A hundred always a hundred
ways of listening
of marveling, of loving
a hundred joys
for singing and understanding
a hundred worlds
to discover
a hundred worlds
to invent
a hundred worlds
to dream.
The child has
a hundred languages
(and a hundred hundred hundred more)
but they steal ninety-nine.
The school and the culture
separate the head from the body.
They tell the child:
to think without hands
to do without head
to listen and not to speak
to understand without joy
to love and to marvel
only at Easter and at Christmas.
They tell the child:
to discover the world already there
and of the hundred
they steal ninety-nine.
They tell the child:
that work and play
reality and fantasy
science and imagination
sky and earth
reason and dream
are things
that do not belong together.

And thus they tell the child
that the hundred is not there.
The child says:
No way. The hundred is there.


Loris Malaguzzi
(translated by Lella Gandini

I de- lidded my kid !

The day my son was born I fell in love .....well kinda , you see something wasn't right , something had to be changed ... His eyelids , that's right they had to go .

Some people ask me "why did you remove his eyelids ? " and it is simple really , let me explain .

First off I heard it was all the rage and I didn't want my kid to be different
and that piece of skin covering the eyeball is essentially useless , on top of that removing the eyelid gets rid of that pesky wetness and reduces risk of infections and contagious disease like conjunctivitis .


To be honest I find the thought of eyelids disgusting , I am somewhat attracted to people without them ... I figure someone out there will appreciate my decision for him in the future and I am sure he wont mind after all he will never know the difference right ?

Now that my son is older things have started to happen , he has come to realize he wasn't born this way , he complains that his eyes are always dry , calloused and weathered by it's constantly open environment , his sight has diminished in fact he says the entire function of his eyes have diminished , he will never enjoy the full functioning of his eyes as nature intended , he wonders why it is I chose to alter him , he expresses the wish to have had the choice .................


In reality I know men do not have feelings nor do they express them so maybe I will continue to practice this with my next child , normalize it a little , make my eldest feel like he is in good company and hopefully one day he will see what I see and de-lid his kid too .


DISCLAIMER : This is not a real trend , do not follow this blindly , do not jump on the bandwagon , de-lidding does not reduce infection or contagious disease , it will not make them "fit in " , it does NOT look better , the eyelid is a fully functioning part of the visual anatomy ...................much like circumcision and the prepuce .

Natural beauty

Something a little different .......... Beauty , is it all about expensive creams and luxurious day spa's ? NO !

You can have beautiful skin within walking distance to your very own kitchen , here are some natural tips for environmentally friendly , delicious and cheap skin savers .

SLEEP .

Yes sleep , hard to get in the realm of mother hood but boy does it do wonders for your complexion , now I cannot offer to babysit everyone of your children while you catch the beauty sleep train but I can advise you TRY to go to bed early , nap if you can while the kids are asleep or if you have a super wonderful partner take turns in morning sleep ins .

Sunscreen .

SO important unless you want to look like a leathery old sea turtle PUT IT ON but please be careful to check the types you use some have carcinogenic chemicals present here is a list of safe ones :

Alba Botanica
All Terrain
Badger
Beyond Coastal
Blue Lizard
BurnOut
California Baby
Caribbean Solutions
UV Natural

For more info check out

Sun damage is the number one reason for aging so slip , slop , slap !

NEVER USE A TANNING BED .

One Indian natural tanning solution is to Mix half a teaspoon of turmeric with whole milk to get a paste, and leave it on a facial mask for five minutes. After you wash it away, you’ll notice a soft golden glow without the use of chemicals or plastics – and you’ll have done something great for your skin.

Olive oil.

If your hair is very dry olive oil can really help it. It will nourish the dry hair and also leave it shiny and silky. Add a few drops of warm olive oil to towel dried hair and leave in for 20 minutes to an hour. Then rinse with cold water.

Use a mixture of pure olive oil with 1/2 parts sea salt as an in-shower body scrub. This combo completely eliminates the need for lotion and is great for winter weather.

Stress .

Yes stress it ages you like an old lemon in the sun , meditate for at least 10 minutes a day , try yoga or pilates a happy healthy mind and spirit is happy skin .

Children are not human ?

So after yesterday's vent I thought I would feel much better but no , no I feel worse after thinking about children , the youngest , most vulnerable , humans on the planet who it seems have no voice , I started thinking " how can people treat children so badly ? how is it the people who need the most protecting are offered NADA , NOTHING , ZIP "
Hell , children aren't even HUMAN according to our charter of human rights because apparently they are not covered by these very laws to protect our species, of course little boys are far less human than litte girls at least little girls genitals are protected *eye roll*

Lets take a look at where children skip out shall we :

* Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.
HA !don't think so kiddies , Apparently if someone gives birth to you they OWN you and therefore their right to hit you and cut of integral parts of your sexual anatomy over rides your rights to security of person .

* No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.
Again if you are sub human or worse A BOY this does not apply to you expect a swift spank and cutting of your prepuce with as little thought to it as microwaving your two minute noodles .

* All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination.

Sorry that should read : All are equal before the law EXCEPT those smaller than 4 foot with a penis .

# (1) Everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other countries asylum from persecution.

Just not in your own home where corporal punishment is king .

* Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Wait a minute do children get an opinion ? oh that's right not human ;)



* Nothing in this Declaration may be interpreted as implying for any State, group or person any right to engage in any activity or to perform any act aimed at the destruction of any of the rights and freedoms set forth herein.

Hmmm that last one is interesting indeed .......


My children were born as humans with rights , as their parent and ambassador to this new world it is my duty to protect their rights and furthermore teach them because one day my human boys will be men and they WILL know their rights .

WATCH OUT it's a BOOB !!!

Boob's , such wonderful creations .

I have long been a fan of boob's , they are beautiful to look at whether it is in an artwork , sculpture or just simply appreaciating a good set when you see them . They are super fun especially for the men ( or women ) in our lives during times of frisky fun and then ( often due to frisky fun ) we fall pregnant , have a baby and discover the wonderful and amazing bond that is breast feeding .

WAIT you may gasp , boobs are for fun AND feeding ??

Why yes Ma'am they are indeed you see human females have permanantly engorged breasts to first attract a mate sexually from which they mate and reproduce and from the very same breast we feed our child , AMAZING !

Given humans are ( supposedly ) super smart and top of the food chain you would think it would be simple for us to be able to differentiate between the sexual breast and the nutritional breast but alas it seems some of us  are not , you see not too long ago facebook went on a breastfeeding support page and breastfeeding photo deleting frenzy !


One of facebooks most active and loved breastfeeding support pages The leaky B@@b was deleted , according to those in high places the nutritional breast is OBSCENE  !

 Right about now I would be inserting a LOL , LMAO , ROTFL or even ROTFLMFAO at the idiocy of the people who took the time to report these pages but I can't I am actually pissed off , pissed off at the continued attack on breastfeeding mothers , natural birthing doula's , pages such as saving PENISES ( now saving our sons ) are being targeted , are these people bored young people yet to experience children of their own ? or worse are they parents passing their high level douchbaggery genes on to their unsuspecting children ?


Either way one thing is for sure people need to get the fuck over it , it is a breast feeding  baby if YOU have an issue with that than own it , it is no one elses problem you have difficulty using your brain .And to facebook , come on guys you made a multi million dollar company and yet it is controlled by the single click of some moron who has the depth and intelligence of a  goldfish ? Really ?





http://www.amazon.com/Breastfeeding-Made-Simple-Natural-Nursing/dp/1572248610

care of the intact penis .

So you left your son intact ? CONGRATULATIONS !!


But now what ? how do I clean his penis ? is it difficult ? 


These are questions many new parents do not know the answer to and for many they are given horrendously shocking advice by medical practitioners to do things like retract the foreskin of their baby , but STOP !


There is a golden rule of thumb that ALL parents of intact boys should know : 
When intact don't retract , Only clean what is seen .

• Leave the foreskin alone; wash only what is external and readily visible.
• Never forcibly retract your son's foreskin and don't permit anyone else to do so.
• Make certain your son's medical attendants understand his foreskin is not to be retracted or tampered with.
• Always stay with your son during his doctor visits and exams.
• When teaching the child to bathe and care for himself, let the child retract his own foreskin if he wants to. He will not retract it beyond the point of discomfort.
• A child's foreskin does not need to be retracted regularly for cleaning until the end of puberty. It should not be retracted during early childhood. [1]

But why ? you ask , here is the lowdown on WHY you never retract .


The Forcible retraction of the foreskin , sometimes called premature retraction, in infants or young adults can damage the glans and mucous inner tissue of the foreskin. Doctors or parents who may be unfamiliar with the intact penis can often do this not knowing that it can be damaging. At birth, the foreskin is fused to the glans. Over time, separation occurs naturally the average age being 10 years old .


Forcible retraction may lead to bleeding , scarring, pathological phimosis  or paraphimosis , and often pain. Adhesions after forcible retraction, especially in infants, can fuse the foreskin with itself or the glans, leading to skin bridges .


The  AAP caution parents not to retract their son's foreskin, but suggest that once he reaches puberty, he should retract and gently wash with soap and water. The Royal Australasian college of physicians  as well as the Canadian Pediatric society  emphasize that the infant foreskin should be left alone and requires no special care.












[1] http://www.cirp.org/pages/parents/peron1/

The Importance of human touch

How do you feel when you are in a new place surrounded by strangers ? Intimidated ? scared ? uncomfortable ?


But wait there is someone you know  , someone who smells good , feels warm and homely , wouldn't you love some comfort ? perhaps a hug ? 


Yes we as adults can at times feel like this but through a great upbringing with strong attachments we can also take the new and strange in our strides human touch to any human is stress relieving and therapeutic   , now imagine you are a small baby in the same surrounding , they feel 10x the amount of anxiety at such a young age this is why human touch is of extreme importance in the first year of life and beyond .


A newborn needs human touch not only for therapeutic reasons but also for optimal development.
 Benefits to human-touch bonding include: promotion of a strong, loving bond between the newborn and their caregiver; alleviating the amount of pain during teething, colic, constipation, and medical procedures; better sleep patterns; and stimulating brain development.

Here is an interesting article on the power of human touch .

Massage is a great bonding activity .

The skin is the largest organ in the body and touch is human's natural way of reacting to pain and stress and conveying love and compassion. When something painful happens to you like when you accidentally bump your head on the wall, your natural reaction would be to rub the affected area to ease the pain. Kisses, hugs, and holding hands, meanwhile, are people's way of expressing emotions toward another person.

Some people may not realize this but human touch has intense positive effects on overall health. In fact, people who are touch deprived are prone to diseases and emotional dysfunction. In nursing homes, tactile stimulation and caring touch are utilized to give patients a sense of security. In infants, those who are caressed by their parents often develop more properly than those who are not nurtured by their mothers.

Having a massage is one of the best ways to enjoy the wonderful benefits of physical touch. This therapy, which is known primarily for being able to relax both the mind and body, can bring a host of physiological and psychological effects in your health such as improvement of circulation, strengthening of the immune system, relaxation of tense muscles, reduction of spasms and pain, and improvement of range of motion, among many others.

However, it is important to note that massage is not the only way to experience the power of human touch. Even a simple kiss, hug, or a handshake can have positive psychological effects that can enhance overall health and facilitate healing and recovery.

On the physical level, human touch has the ability to lower blood pressure and reduce stress and tension. This is because a soothing touch can trigger the increase of oxytocin levels in the body, which gives a calming effect. When there is pain, a comforting human touch can alleviate the feeling and act as a numbing agent.

When it comes to emotional benefits, human touch like a comforting hand squeeze, a gentle tap on the back, or a reassuring hug can help intensely in stress management by calming and easing a person's nerves. It is no wonder people feel good about themselves when they give or receive a hug. It is a sign that someone cares for them. Some studies have shown that people who receive sufficient physical affection (especially the non-sexual type) are less prone to depression and unhealthy habits such as drinking and smoking.

Aside from the two mentioned above, nourishment and comfort are also primary benefits of the human touch. Babies have instinctive craving for this. When a mother comforts a baby, rocks him or touches him lovingly, she may not be aware but this can greatly affect the growth and behavior of the child. Those who are held more often grow up to be more confident and less clingy children to those who are not.

For centuries, the human touch has been known to have positive healing effects on people. Even before medical technologies and medications were invented, people made use of the therapeutic effect of the human touch to improve a wide variety of health problems. Today, many still rely on the power of human touch.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Power-of-the-Human-Touch&id=3252756

Sexual education and our children .

SEX ED is vital to be taught to our children and not just the dangers.

Children need to be taught its natural to explore their bodies and that sex should be about sharing with your partner, give and take at age appropriate levels of course.

Sexual oppression has a lot to answer for with our society it just so happens the most violent societies in the world are also the most sexually oppressed.

Sexual oppression from telling a child touching themselves is disgusting to saying sex is dirty or unnatural often leads to adults who are depressed, suicidal or commit violent sex crimes this is all a result of being angry at themselves for doing what is natural.

I cannot count the amount of mothers i have encountered who destroy their children’s sexuality through their own issues and disgust.

Our children will grow to be adults and I hope for them to one day enjoy the intimacy between themselves and their partner with nothing else’s but joy in their minds.

How will you teach sex education to your child and what will it encompass?

Quote of the day :

‎"your imagination is your preview of lifes coming attractions"-einstein

Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives by James Mckenna Ph.D

Why Human Babies Do Not and Should Not Sleep Alone by James J. McKenna Ph.D., Edmund P. Joyce C.S.C. Chair in Anthropology, Director, Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory, University of Notre Dame

Where a baby sleeps is not as simple as current medical discourse and recommendations against cosleeping in some western societies want it to be. And there is good reason why. I write here to explain why the pediatric recommendations on forms of cosleeping such as bedsharing will and should remain mixed. I will also address why the majority of new parents practice intermittent bedsharing despite governmental and medical warnings against it. Definitions are important here. The term cosleeping refers to any situation in which an a committed adult caregiver, usually the mother, sleeps within close enough proximity to her infant so that each, the mother and infant, can respond to each other's sensory signals and cues. Room sharing is a form of cosleeping, always considered safe and always considered protective. But it is not the room itself that it is protective. It is what goes on between the mother (or father) and the infant that is. Medical authorities seem to forget this fact. This form of cosleeping is not controversial and is recommended by all. Unfortunately, the terms cosleeping, bedsharing and a well-known dangerous form of cosleeping, couch or sofa cosleeping, are mostly used interchangeably by medical authorities, even though these terms need to be kept separate. It is absolutely wrong to say, for example, that "cosleeping is dangerous" when room-sharing is a form of cosleeping and this form of cosleeping (as at least three epidemiological studies show) reduce an infant's chances of dying by one half. Bedsharing is another form of cosleeping which can be made either safe or unsafe, but it is not intrinsically one nor the other. Couch or sofa cosleeping is, however, intrinsically dangerous as babies can and do all too easily get pushed against the back of the couch by the adult, or flipped face down in the pillows, to suffocate. Often news stories talk about "another baby dying while cosleeping" but they fail to distinguish between what type of cosleeping was involved and, worse, what specific dangerous factor might have actually been responsible for the baby dying. A specific example is whether the infant was sleeping prone next to their parent, which is an independent risk factor for death regardless of where the infant was sleeping. Such reports inappropriately suggest that all types of cosleeping are the same, dangerous, and all the practices around cosleeping carry the same high risks, and that no cosleeping environment can be made safe. Nothing can be further from the truth. This is akin to suggesting that because some parents drive drunk with their infants in their cars, unstrapped into car seats, and because some of these babies die in car accidents that nobody can drive with babies in their cars because obviously car transportation for infants is fatal. You see the point. One of the most important reasons why bedsharing occurs, and the reason why simple declarations against it will not eradicate it, is because sleeping next to one's baby is biologically appropriate, unlike placing infants prone to sleep or putting an infant in a room to sleep by itself. This is particularly so when bedsharing is associated with breast feeding. When done safely, mother-infant cosleeping saves infants lives and contributes to infant and maternal health and well being. Merely having an infant sleeping in a room with a committed adult caregiver (cosleeping) reduces the chances of an infant dying from SIDS or from an accident by one half! Research In Japan where co-sleeping and breastfeeding (in the absence of maternal smoking) is the cultural norm, rates of the sudden infant death syndrome are the lowest in the world. For breastfeeding mothers, bedsharing makes breastfeeding much easier to manage and practically doubles the amount of breastfeeding sessions while permitting both mothers and infants to spend more time asleep. The increased exposure to mother's antibodies which comes with more frequent nighttime breastfeeding can potentially, per any given infant, reduce infant illness. And because co-sleeping in the form of bedsharing makes breastfeeding easier for mothers, it encourages them to breastfeed for a greater number of months, according to Dr. Helen Ball's studies at the University of Durham, therein potentially reducing the mothers chances of breast cancer. Indeed, the benefits of cosleeping helps explain why simply telling parents never to sleep with baby is like suggesting that nobody should eat fats and sugars since excessive fats and sugars lead to obesity and/or death from heart disease, diabetes or cancer. Obviously, there's a whole lot more to the story. As regards bedsharing, an expanded version of its function and effects on the infant's biology helps us to understand not only why the bedsharing debate refuses to go away, but why the overwhelming majority of parents in the United States (over 50% according to the most recent national survey) now sleep in bed for part or all of the night with their babies. That the highest rates of bedsharing worldwide occur alongside the lowest rates of infant mortality, including Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) rates, is a point worth returning to. It is an important beginning point for understanding the complexities involved in explaining why outcomes related to bedsharing (recall, one of many types of cosleeping) vary between being protective for some populations and dangerous for others. It suggests that whether or not babies should bedshare and what the outcome will be may depend on who is involved, under what condition it occurs, how it is practiced, and the quality of the relationship brought to the bed to share. This is not the answer some medical authorities are looking for, but it certainly resonates with parents, and it is substantiated by scores of studies. Understanding Recommendations Recently, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) SIDS Sub-Committee for whom I served (ad hoc) as an expert panel member recommended that babies should sleep close to their mothers in the same room but not in the same bed. While I celebrated this historic room-sharing recommendation, I disagreed with and worry about the ramifications of the unqualified recommendation against any and all bedsharing. Further, I worry about the message being given unfairly (if not immorally) to mothers; that is, no matter who you are, or what you do, your sleeping body is no more than an inert potential lethal weapon against which neither you nor your infant has any control. If this were true, none of us humans would be here today to have this discussion because the only reason why we survived is because our ancestral mothers slept alongside us and breastfed us through the night! I am not alone in thinking this way. The Academy of Breast Feeding Medicine, the USA Breast Feeding Committee, the Breast Feeding section of the American Academy of Pediatrics, La Leche League International, UNICEF and WHO are all prestigious organizations who support bedsharing and which use the best and latest scientific information on what makes mothers and babies safe and healthy. Clearly, there is no scientific consensus. What we do agree on, however, is what specific "factors" increase the chances of SIDS in a bedsharing environment, and what kinds of circumstances increase the chances of suffocation either from someone in the bed or from the bed furniture itself. For example, adults should not bedshare if inebriated or if desensitized by drugs, or overly exhausted, and other toddlers or children should never be in a bed with an infant. Moreover, since having smoked during a pregnancy diminishes the capacities of infants to arouse to protect their breathing, smoking mothers should have their infants sleep alongside them on a different surface but not in the same bed. My own physiological studies suggest that breastfeeding mother-infant pairs exhibit increased sensitivities and responses to each other while sleeping, and those sensitivities offers the infant protection from overlay. However, if bottle feeding, infants should lie alongside the mother in a crib or bassinet, but not in the same bed. Prone or stomach sleeping especially on soft mattresses is always dangerous for infants and so is covering their heads with blankets, or laying them near or on top of pillows. Light blanketing is always best as is attention to any spaces or gaps in bed furniture which needs to be fixed as babies can slip into these spaces and quickly to become wedged and asphyxiate. My recommendation is, if routinely bedsharing, to strip the bed apart from its frame, pulling the mattress and box springs to the center of the room, therein avoiding dangerous spaces or gaps into which babies can slip to be injured or die. But, again, disagreement remains over how best to use this information. Certain medical groups, including some members of the American Academy of Pediatrics (though not necessarily the majority), argue that bedsharing should be eliminated altogether. Others, myself included, prefer to support the practice when it can be done safely amongst breastfeeding mothers. Some professionals believe that it can never be made safe but there is no evidence that this is true. More importantly, parents just don't believe it! Making sure that parents are in a position to make informed choices therein reflecting their own infant's needs, family goals, and nurturing and infant care preferences seems to me to be fundamental. Our Biological Imperatives My support of bedsharing when practiced safely stems from my research knowledge of how and why it occurs, what it means to mothers, and how it functions biologically. Like human taste buds which reward us for eating what's overwhelmingly critical for survival i.e. fats and sugars, a consideration of human infant and parental biology and psychology reveal the existence of powerful physiological and social factors that promote maternal motivations to cosleep and explain parental needs to touch and sleep close to baby. The low calorie composition of human breast milk (exquisitely adjusted for the human infants' undeveloped gut) requires frequent nighttime feeds, and, hence, helps explain how and why a cultural shift toward increased cosleeping behavior is underway. Approximately 73% of US mothers leave the hospital breast feeding and even amongst mothers who never intended to bedshare soon discover how much easier breast feeding is and how much more satisfied they feel with baby sleeping alongside often in their bed. But it's not just breastfeeding that promotes bedsharing. Infants usually have something to say about it too! And for some reason they remain unimpressed with declarations as to how dangerous sleeping next to mother can be. Instead, irrepressible (ancient) neurologically-based infant responses to maternal smells, movements and touch altogether reduce infant crying while positively regulating infant breathing, body temperature, absorption of calories, stress hormone levels, immune status, and oxygenation. In short, and as mentioned above, cosleeping (whether on the same surface or not) facilitates positive clinical changes including more infant sleep and seems to make, well, babies happy. In other words, unless practiced dangerously, sleeping next to mother is good for infants. The reason why it occurs is because… it is supposed to. Recall that despite dramatic cultural and technological changes in the industrialized west, human infants are still born the most neurologically immature primate of all, with only 25% of their brain volume. This represents a uniquely human characteristic that could only develop biologically (indeed, is only possible) alongside mother's continuous contact and proximity—as mothers body proves still to be the only environment to which the infant is truly adapted, for which even modern western technology has yet to produce a substitute. Even here in whatever-city-USA, nothing a baby can or cannot do makes sense except in light of the mother's body, a biological reality apparently dismissed by those that argue against any and all bedsharing and what they call cosleeping, but which likely explains why most crib-using parents at some point feel the need to bring their babies to bed with them —findings that our mother-baby sleep laboratory here at Notre Dame has helped document scientifically. Given a choice, it seems human babies strongly prefer their mother's body to solitary contact with inert cotton-lined mattresses. In turn, mothers seem to notice and succumb to their infant's preferences. There is no doubt that bedsharing should be avoided in particular circumstances and can be practiced dangerously. While each single bedsharing death is tragic, such deaths are no more indictments about any and all bedsharing than are the three hundred thousand plus deaths or more of babies in cribs an indictment that crib sleeping is deadly and should be eliminated. Just as unsafe cribs and unsafe ways to use cribs can be eliminated so, too, can parents be educated to minimize bedsharing risks. Moving Beyond Judgments to Understanding We still do not know what causes SIDS. But fortunately the primary factors that increase risk are now widely known i.e. placing an infant prone (face down) for sleep, using soft mattresses, maternal smoking, overwrapping babies or blocking air movement around their faces. In combination with bedsharing, where more vital normal defensive infant responses and may be more important to an infant (like the ability to arouse to bat a blanket which momentarily falls to cover the infants face when its parent moves or turns) these risks become exaggerated especially amongst unhealthy infants. When infants die in these obviously unsafe conditions, it is here where social biases and the sheer levels of ignorance associated with actually explaining the death become apparent. A death itself in a bedsharing environment does not automatically suggest, as many legal and medical authorities assert, that it was the bedsharing, or worse, suffocation that killed the infant. Infants in bedsharirng environments, like babies in cribs, can still die of SIDS. It is a shame and certainly inappropriate that, for example, the head pathologists of the state of Indiana recommends that other pathologists assume SIDS as a likely cause of death when babies die in cribs but to assume asphyxiation if a baby dies in an adult bed or has a history of "cosleeping". By assuming before any facts are known from the pathologist's death scene and toxicological report that any bedsharing baby was a victim of an accidental suffocation rather than from some congenital or natural cause, including SIDS unrelated to bedsharing, medical authorities not only commit a form of scientific fraud but they victimize the doomed infant's parents for a third time. The first occurs when their baby dies, the second occurs when health professionals interviewed for news stories (which commonly occurs) imply that when a baby dies in a bed with an adult it must be due to suffocation (or a SIDS induced by bedsharing). The third time the parents are victimized is when still without any evidence medical or police authorities suggest that their baby's death was "preventable," that their baby would still be alive if only the parents had not bedshared. This conclusion is based not on the facts of the tragedy but on unfair and fallacious stereotypes about bedsharing. Indeed, no legitimate SIDS researcher nor forensic pathologist should render a judgment that a baby was suffocated without an extensive toxiological report and death scene investigation including information from the mother concerning what her thoughts are on what might or could have happened. Whether involving cribs or adult beds, risky sleep practices leading to infant deaths are more likely to occur when parents lack access to safety information, or if they are judged to be irresponsible should they choose to follow their own and their infants' biological predilections to bedshare, or if public health messages are held back on brochures and replaced by simplistic and inappropriate warnings saying "just never do it." Such recommendations misrepresent the true function and biological significance of the behaviors, and the critical extent to which dangerous practices can be modified, and they dismiss the valid reasons why people engage in the behavior in the first place.

For More Information: A Popular Parenting Book Sleeping With Your Baby: A Parent's Guide To Cosleeping by James J.McKenna (2007). Platypus Press. The Scientific Perspective McKenna, J., Ball H., Gettler L., Mother-infant Cosleeping, Breastfeeding and SIDS: What Biological Anthropologists Have Learned About Normal Infant Sleep and Pediatric Sleep Medicine. Yearbook of Physical Anthropology 50:133-161 (2007) McKenna, J., McDade, T., Why Babies Should Never Sleep Alone: A Review of the Co-Sleeping Controversy in Relation to SIDS, Bedsharing and Breastfeeding (pdf). Paediatric Respiratory Reviews 6:134-152 (2005)

Leave kids alone !

The term helicopter parenting has been thrown around to describe those parents who anxiously hover over their children for fear of harm .

In today's society it seems we have so much to fear , predators , injury , other children sending parents into a hand wringing , fear induced sweat ! and while it is essential to protect our children at what cost and how is it affecting not only children but parents when protection is done to excess ?

New research by Margaret Nelson, Professor of Sociology at Middlebury College, Vermont, shows that it is not the children who suffer, but the parents. They become so focused on their kids that their marriages suffer and often fracture, they spend less time with their friends, in their community and often are deeply unhappy as a result.

Reams of studies show parents rate low on the happiness scale , of course parenting brings the ultimate joy and deep fulfillment but how does it measure in days , hours , minutes ?

So how can parents take back that everyday happiness we once experienced ? it may be  easierthan you think just  RELAX !

Think back to a time when children roamed free , climbed trees , played games in the street how delightful childhood was .

Parenting SHOULDN'T"T be hard , learn to take a backseat and leave the kids alone

Be there for them but don't be on top of them , give children space to creatively explore their world without being stifled .


                                    So dont hover let your kids go FREE RANGE !

A readers response to the circumcistion post .

This is a response to the circumcision thread from a passionate intactivist male .
..................................................................................

"But his dad is cut we want them to look the same"

ME. Having an elephant trunk hanging between your legs can cause serious insecurity, even emotional damage. But not to the owner of the trouser snake with eyelid, but to his Dad. Parents cut their sons because Dad does not want to be reminded of what Nature Intended every time he is a proper modern Dad and changes his son's diaper, or gives his son his daily bath. Mom does not want to be reminded, while she cares for her son, of something that Nature put at centre stage of vaginal intercourse but she does not get to enjoy. Routine circ then follows from the old adage that "out of sight, out of mind." Millions of American parents fear that foreskin would inject inappropriate sexual thoughts into the parent-child relationship.

If Dad and son must look alike, let Dad restore his foreskin. The job will be complete by the time Dad and Son are old enough to use a locker room together.


"Intact is unhealthy"

ME. Yea, if you let weeks go by without skinning it back in the shower, if you have contempt for condoms, and frequent women so trashy they are willing to risk all for a one night stand without a condom. Foreskins are not unhealthy; irresponsible sex is. Last century, a quarter million American gay men died of AIDS. Ang guess what? The vast majority were circumcised.


"but i just think they look nicer "

ME. Nicer in Mom's eyes is irrelevant. And who knows what his future wife will prefer?


When, over the years, I have told fellow men that I defend the foreskin, several have replied as follows:

"Have it your way, but uncircumcised guys can forget about ever getting a blowjob"

Lady Luxe, you did not write that, but I want to inject that into this frank discussion. I have taken the liberty of being very blunt here, because your post was very blunt.

Many American parents silently believe an American boy's first sex act will be a blow job at 11PM on a Friday or Saturday night, in a car parked on a lover's lane, after a dance or game. This will take place 18 hours since his last shower. If he's uncut, his johnson will be slimmy and stinky, and she will balk at doing the deed. Worse yet, she might dump him for having a Weird or Dirty Dick. Worst of all, she might reluctantly agree to vaginal intercourse and risk pregancy or passing on an STD, because she simply cannot face sucking an uncircumcised dick.

This controversy is a polarising one, because I submit that the foreskin is the lewdest part of the male body. It stands at centre stage of vaginal intercourse and foreplay. If we endeavour to preserve it, we are conceding its sexual advantages. In turn, that means admitting that tens of millions of American men and their spouses are at a sexual disadvantage. That is simply not a pretty picture.

The 20th century American Foreskin Holocaust has damaged the sexual side of quite a few American marriages. A host of problems can be laid at the doorstep of routine circ: PE, ED, jackrabbit sex, boring foreplay, chronic soreness, inadequate lubrication, scarring of the penis, not enough skin to allow for comfortable erection, a slow death of penis sensation in middle age. Most of all is the removal of the foreskin glide action during intercourse. Not all women notice this action, and some that do notice it don't especially value it. But some women deem their discovery of intercourse with an intact penis a major turning point in their lifetime journey of sexual self-discovery. There are even American women who say they climax seldom or never with cut men, and always with intact men.

This summer, Cosmo published an article saying that intact makes for better sex. In light of what I have written above, I suspect that's true, but never mind: what counts is whether the typical young American woman will believe it true, which I think is about to happen.

Ladies, please be very careful about putting the info I have set out here into practice, because the full sexual glory of the intact penis requires dispensing with a condom, which I really cannot recommend outside of marriage.

Quote of the day

A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. ~Robert Brault,

My love of baby wearing

Babywearing is something i came across quiet by accident , living in an area that served as a daily catwalk of the latest styles , i remember being pregnant with my first son and seeing quiet a few new mothers and fathers carting their children around in slings , i thought to myself " those look awesome , really hippy chic , ive gotta have one " i never knew my purchase of that sling based purely on its fashion credibility would bring me so much more than i anticipated .


The day came and i was finally able to go home with my new son , itching to go or a walk and dreading dragging a pram down three flights of stairs i grabbed the sling and placed my so inside , he instantly fell asleep to the gentle rock all curled up in the sling like a little marsupial in it's pouch , it was one of many " awwwww" moments i treasure , i felt so ..........motherly .

The sling became a daily staple , hang out the washing ? wear the baby , sweep the floor ? wear the baby you get the drift , i could have him close to my body and be hands free , awesome !

I could never have imagined such a simple product could have so much benefit from getting day to day jobs done , resistance training great for new mothers to the amazing bonding experience it provided .

So where did this amazing , wonderful invention come from ? i soon discovered it to be a worldwide phenomenon , practiced all over the world for centuries , dating as far back as 50,000 years ago suggests Blaffr-Hrdy (2000).

Baby carrying and carriers around the world.

Mexico and Guatemala
Short wraparound slings have been used in many cultures. The Mexican or Guatemalan Rebozo is well-known thanks to the work of Barbara Wishingrad and her Rebozo way project. These shawls are used for carrying all sorts of items as well as for clothing and protection from the sun. Rebozos are also used during pregnancy to reposition the baby and during birthing to help support the mother in various positions.

Peru and Bolivia
A Manta or Awayo has been traditionally worn. This is a large rectangle of woven fabric folded in half and tied in a knot at the mother's chest. The baby is carried on the mother's back.

Tahiti
A Pareo is a rectangular piece of printed cloth that is also used as a wraparound skirt.

Ecuador
Woven or sheet cloths are used on the back. Either a rectangular or triangular piece of fabric is used.

Borneo
The Tribes from Borneo such as Kayan and Kenyah traditionally carry their babies in a rattan plaited carrier. These are decorated with multicolored beaded patterns of dragons, leopards and hornbills. Ancient glass beads and amulets of bear-claws or leopard's fangs add to the spiritual protection of the baby carried within.

Indonesia
Pieces of fabric are also tied over one shoulder and are used as baby carriers. These are called selendang slings. They are also worn as a skirt or dress or used to carry things.

Kenya
A rectangular piece of material with a border around it is also used by women and men to carry a baby on the back, as well as to sit on, to carry items on the head, and to protect clothing whilst cooking. In some parts it is called a kanga, in other parts a pagne, and in coastal region a woven style is called a kikoy. Last century, important Swahili sayings started to be printed on each kanga. Two identical pieces of fabric (called a doti) are usually bought together. An identical pair is sometimes split between best friends. A baby can be tied on using one or two kangas.

Mozambique
A Capulana is used, which is a printed piece of cloth used for baby carrying as well as carrying other things or as a piece of clothing. For carrying babies it is tied over a shoulder and knotted between the breasts (like a sling). The baby sits on the back.

South Africa
A piece of cloth is again used. Babies are tied onto the back with the cloth tied on top of the breasts, but straight around the back rather than over the shoulder.

Papua New Guinea
Ipili people use a net bag called a bilum to carry their babies. They are carried with the strap around the forehead of the mother and the baby in the bag carried on the front or back. A bilum is a bag available in many sizes and used for carrying many different things. The bag is lined with soft leaves or pieces of cloth to make it more comfortable for the baby.

Bali
Bainese babies do not touch the ground for the first three months, but are passed from person to person. After this time a special ceremony is held and babies are then welcome to play on the ground.

Egypt
Egyptian women who picked cotton in the fields would make slings out of dress fabric. The patterns were colourful and bright, and the slings were wide in the middle and narrower at the ends. The women carried their babies on their backs in this way.

Asian carriers
In South West China, Thailand, Laos, and Vietnam, Mei Tais are worn, with either a double or single strap, as are Hmong style carriers which are usually beautifully hand- embroidered. The mei tai originated from China and has probably been around for centuries. They were used by peasant women whilst working in the fields.

Laos, Myanmar, and parts of China, Vietnam and Tibet
A "Hmong"-style carrier is used, a squre of fabric similar to a podaegi but narrower. The baby is worn in front or on the back. In these cultures there have generally been plenty of extended family so babies are often passed from one set of arms to another. As people move to cities and move away from more traditional ways, carriers are used far less and more Western ways such as strollers are adopted.

Japan
Onbuhimos were used, which are a wrap style carrier made from gauze, cotton, or wool, similar to a Mei Tai but with a narrower body style.

Korea
The Podaegi is used which is a kind of blanket tied around the wearer’s chest rather than over the shoulders.

India
In areas where the caste system still applies, some of the lower caste peoples carry their children by tying them into the shawl part of their saris. Apparently, higher caste peoples believe that it is only the lower caste carry babies.

Tibet, Nepal, Indian Himalayas
Wraparound carriers are often used, generally of a single colour; fuschia coloured ones seem popular in Lhasa. The fabrics used range in thickness from very thin to very thick.

Russia
A short piece of cloth like a rebozo would traditionally be used.

Europe
In Europe, recorded history has often focussed on the upper classes, where the art of baby carrying was lost earlier than in the rural areas and lower classes. Thus, information is not readily available on the history of baby carrying. At the Didymos website, pictures showing baby carrying give us some idea of what happened, for example a Rembrandt picture illustrates a woman a child tied to her back. These pictures indicate that in the Middle Ages in Europe, it may have been common for babies to be worn on their mothers’ backs.

During the 19th Century in Europe poor and uneducated people carried their children and were physically close with them, whereas the upper classes created a distance between adult and child, with the widespread view of not spoiling them.

Wales
In Wales, long pieces of fabric and shawls were used to carry babies, which continued until around the 1950’s.

Highland Scotland
Scottish women are also rumoured to have used their plaid to carry their babies.

Dalarna, a northern province in Sweden held onto traditions longer than any other part of Sweden. Interestingly, women in this culture had voting rights, ownership rights and kept their last names in marriage. They also carried their children in a "bog" or “boeg” – which has been carried on into the English word, "bag". It was made of leather and shaped into a rounded bag with edges and straps that were cut into traditional patterns. The baby would be wrapped in something warm, then placed in the bog.

In some Scandinavian cultures, cradleboards were also used.

In Germany, a traditional cloak or coat was worn, in which there was a piece of cloth to wrap the baby on the hip.

England
In Victorian England, upper class households would employ a rocking nurse, who would carry the baby in her arms on walks and rock them when crying. Rocking cradles were used by women working in houses.



Ref:http://www.parentingwithpresence.net/index.php?pageid=1899

Quote of the day

Peace is not the absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.
Ronald Reagan

Circumcision - Its not your penis .

This is not a fluff piece , I'm not here to make you comfortable .

Circumcision is a barbaric and archaic practice , some would say it is mutilation and by definition IT IS :mu·ti·late (mytl-t)
tr.v. mu·ti·lat·ed, mu·ti·lat·ing, mu·ti·lates
1. To deprive of a limb or an essential part; cripple.
2. To disfigure by damaging irreparably.
3. To make imperfect by excising or altering parts.


Why does this topic raise such passion in people ? I have a few notions , on one side of the fence those who oppose circumcision see it as a violation of human rights , a violation of ones genital integrity both matters of extreme importance on the other side of the fence people are coming to the realization that what they have been told , what they have done or what has been done to them was wrong , it's the dawning of this realization that either turns people over to supporting the intactivist movement or strongly defending what they feel they cannot change or what they think should not change.
IN some cases its be like me so i dont feel different , make intact males feel like shit so they feel alienated .

Ok so the last paragraph is the extreme version of a minority , i accept not all are like this , in fact most guys really do not give a shit what tackle the other guy is carrying which really throws out the ridiculous notion that guys hang around locker rooms checking out each others penises .

"But his dad is cut we want them to look the same "

Ugh really ? well daddy just got a tattoo , get your guns out lets ink this baby HEAVEN FORBID they look different , daddy just had his nose broken at football today better break baby boy's too .

"but i just think they look nicer "

Well John doe thinks fake tits look nicer too better start strapping your daughters down and inserting that silicone , why not remove the entire breast at puberty and THEN get that boob job , kills two birds with one stone she wont get breast cancer , mastitis , thrush or cysts and she will have the desired look for someone , somewhere .

No its not personal choice if you are choosing for someone else , ITS NOT YOUR PENIS .

Circ decreases sexual sensitivity , holy orgasm WHAT MAN WANTS THAT ?

As for the health risk claims that this procedure prevents cancer and sexually transmitted diseases this has been thoroughly discredited.


Thankfully most of the world are either in decline like Australia or do not generally circumcise such as European countries , non Muslim Asia and south America , in fact 85% of the worlds male population is INTACT .
North America are apparently the last to get the memo that no national or international medical association recommends routine circumcision , but money talks and that's what the American health care system relies on right , they can spin as much bullshit as they like , play on the fears of parents everywhere but in the end there is only one goal , KA$CHING , YEP that's right cash ? http://www.nocirc.org/position/


One day in the future circumcision will be seen as irrational as frontal lobotomy (which cited just as many supposed health benefits )


All in all nature did not fuck up , your sons were born as nature intended with a foreskin , a healthy functional foreskin so please let your child grow into a man who has the ability to enjoy their full sexual anatomy in all its natural glory .

where is the love ?

Spanking , what is it good for ?

A bit of light hearted adult foreplay perhaps with paddles but that's it .

Many moons ago it was acceptable to spank a child and many still believe it to be an effective way to discipline .

Sure its effective and quick ........for the spanker , but what is the lesson your teaching the child ?



That bigger people have the right to invade your personal space and use physical acts of aggression on people smaller than themselves because they dont like what is happening , store that one kiddies for when your old enough to go out for a drink someone may bump into you , they may spill your drink you have permission to give them a swift smack ...................hold the phone , whats that ? assault , so striking an adult is assault but striking a child is okay ? what a crazy world we live in , there goes the saying "pick on someone your own size " screw it up , put it in the bin , it does not apply to children .

I often wonder how people will move on and evolve to be better , compassionate , empathetic humans but evidently it's hard for some to forget the ways of the past and educate themselves on more peaceful ways to discipline , for most it's learned behavior " my parents did it and im fine " oh how ive heard this one a million times , well my grandfather smoked and lived till he was 90 so fuck it everyone light up cause its FIIIIINE *sigh* on the other hand some people seem to thoroughly enjoy spanking , smacking , hitting ( it's all the same in my book ) from the many mothers forums ive surfed i have observed some truly terrifying accounts of spanking with comments such as " whoop their ass " or " just pop them in the mouth " yeah that last one was in reference to a baby , A BABY !

I know , i know many people only use it as " a last resort " However, new research is increasingly showing that spanking teaches children how to act in aggressive and sometimes violent ways, which can impact on a child's chances of a successful relationships and job prospects.

So what are the alternatives ? i hear you ask .

Set rules in advance :
It's important to set clear , firm ground rules .
If your child is old enough it may be helpful to ask them what some good rules and consequences are , write them down and place them in a visible area .
Mum ad dad must be united when handing down the consequences .

Set time limits in advance :

For example let your child know " 10 minutes before bed " this lets them finish what it is they are doing instead of quickly snapping " bed , now ! "

Let them know the options :

If a child is throwing a toy you could say " you can either play nicely with your toy or it is going to be put away " some children may need to be shown what it is you expect , sit down and show them how you expect them to play by joining in if only for 5 minutes .

Be firm but compassionate :
Tantrum throwing toddlers can benefit from being removed from the area and placed in a nice quiet are to calm down , explain to them when they are ready to return they may , some say use the 1 minute for every year of age but i feel they know when they are ready .

Ask questions :
For older children you can discuss what it is they have done , why they have done it and what they may do to rectify the situation .

And last but not least BREATH !

Baby on the hip , phones ringing , your toddler wants attention , dinner is burning , the dog just ran mud all over the couch and daddy dearest just used all the hot water GGGGGGRRRRRR .

Cool it mumma , breath before you blow like Krakatoa , say a mantra or count to ten sometimes people spank out of frustration or anger its best in these situations to give yourself a time out !

Not spanking does not mean no discipline.

Give Peace a chance , Luxe .